Poodles, perms, and Purple Jumpers,Oh My!
by Cinderella's Pumpkin
Summary: Lelouch knew that there was a reason that he wasn't close to Clovis or Cornelia, a reason that went back to his childhood and an extremely traumatic day involving hair experimentation and clothes not suited for a boy. Possible AU. CRACK.


This actually was a back story to another story I wrote (but will most likely not publish because it isn't very good) explaining why Suzaku called Lelouch "Lulu." Enjoy. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass, "Lollipop" by the Chordettes, or "Carrie Ann" by the Hollies.

"Lelouch! Lelouch, where are you?" Five year old Lelouch vi Britannia ran as fast as he could away from the voice calling him, the voice of evil. Pumping his small arms and legs, he sped around the corner of the brick building and skidded to a halt, digging his heels into the dirt ground. Panting, Lelouch threw himself against the wall and quickly looked to his left and right almost like a spy in an action movie, only less suave and more adorable.

Deciding that the coast was clear, the small boy turned around the corner only to collide with a firm chest and feel a pair of long arms wrap tightly around his torso, binding his arms to his sides. "There you are you naughty little minx." There it was again, the voice of evil; the voice of Lelouch's older brother Clovis.

The trapped dark haired boy squirmed for all he was worth, struggling and kicking, to no avail. Clovis had him and clearly had no intention of letting him go. "Let me go! Put me down!" the angry Lelouch shouted, attempting to bite his captor as he was carried away from the wall and toward a small white building.

Alas, his actions were in vain. The blond man carried the madly kicking, squirming, and biting five year old through the door to the building and up a small flight of stairs. Pausing to take a breath, he tightened his hold on the desperately struggling boy and managed to say "Calm down Lelouch. Honestly, I don't know why you are resisting so much. You'll be helping me and it won't be _that _bad!"

Unfortunately for him, his actions did not have the calming effect that they were supposed to. Lelouch's struggling only intensified when he caught sight of the room in front of them. It contained a small sink with a chair positioned in front of it, several small boxes and bottles, a pair of scissors, and a hand mirror.

The blond man managed to wrestle the panicked boy into the chair with difficulty, gaining multiple scratches and bruises and in the process. Clovis strapped him down with several belts he had wrapped around his waist.

Wiping the (imaginary) sweat from his brow, Clovis stopped to admire his handiwork. His younger brother was thrashing in the chair, trying to pull away from the belts without success. When he realized that this wasn't working, the panic in his eyes increased and he started trying to gnaw off his own arm.

The blond just shook his head at his brother's antics and sighed, moving in front of his dark-haired companion. "Honestly Lelouch, you act as though I'm trying to kill you. All I want to do is get a little practice. If I don't practice I'll never get into beauty school!" he exclaimed.

Lelouch paused his frantic escape attempts and looked at his companion. "Why _me_ though?" he asked angrily, "Why not Euphemia? She's a girl _and_ has more hair than I do! She'd probably like getting her hair done for free!" He looked hopefully at Clovis.

The other just shook his head and responded "But Lelouch, your hair is so much better to work with, it's nice and soft and healthy. Besides, Euphy refused to let me touch her hair after I accidentally set fire to it while trying to use a curling iron."

This statement did not reassure Lelouch in the least. In fact, it caused him to become more upset and double his efforts to escape. Clovis just sighed and reached for a box next to the sink, "Now just relax little brother, everything will turn out fine. I know what I'm doing" he cooed before frowning at the directions on the box, saying "Really? I have to leave it on for only twenty minutes? Not fifty? Wow, was I ever wrong!"

Lelouch's scream echoed throughout the neighborhood.

~Two hours and one perm later~

"Done!" Clovis exclaimed, pulling Lelouch's head out of the sink and standing back to admire his handiwork "Now all I need to do is dry you off."

Lelouch's only response was to whimper.

The blond man quickly set to work vigorously toweling off his little brother's wet hair, humming a tune that sounded vaguely like the 60s version of "Lollipop." After he had toweled the black hair to his satisfaction, making it look as though the poor boy was electrocuted, Clovis set to work blow-drying Lelouch's damp locks. As the hot air blasted the pale boy's dark hair, Clovis lightly brushed the locks and started humming "Carrie Anne" by the Hollies. Lelouch felt his eye twitch.

After what seemed like ages, the blow drier was finally switched off. "There" said Clovis, smiling brightly "You're all set and free to go." Reaching down, he unbuckled the belts binding Lelouch to the chair he sat in.

As soon as his arms were free Lelouch grabbed the front of his brothers' shirt and yanked him close. "Let me see myself!" he shouted.

Clovis simply pried the boys' fingers off his shirt and handed Lelouch the mirror, stating "In my humble opinion, you are lookin' _fine_."

The pale boy ignored this comment and simply stared at his reflection in complete and utter horror. His hair, which had once been lovely and shiny and neatly arranged, was now almost four times as big as it had been before. Where there had been lovely straight hair, there was now a huge mass of tight curls. This left Lelouch with the impression that his hair had been involved in a terrible accident involving a large explosion.

Reaching up, he patted the curls gingerly, as though any moment they might turn hostile and try to bite him. The hair did not attack him, but feeling the strands underneath his fingertips made the whole nightmare real to him.

Poor Lelouch had been trying to convince himself that his brother had _not_ just chased him down, captured him, tied him to a chair, and given him a horrible perm. For a few seconds, he had actually succeeded in believing that the reflection in the mirror was just a really ugly pasted-on picture.

His dreams were shattered however, when he actually felt the mass on his head, patting and then tugging on the curls to see if they were real. They were. The five year old took several deep, calming breaths, relaxing his body before carefully hopping off the chair…and running screaming out the door.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lelouch yelled, sprinting out of the door and down the stairs. His short legs moved faster and faster, almost turning into a blur as he ran. The door was in sight! He was going to make it! At least that's what he thought until an arm shot out of seemingly nowhere and snagged him around the waist.

NOOOOO! He was SO CLOSE! The poor abused boy struggled against his unseen captor as he was dragged away somewhere for that second time that morning. Twisting his head, he managed to see a flash of purple hair, which only could mean one thing: his sister Cornelia was the one pulling him away from his freedom.

Lelouch struggled even harder.

Once again, his efforts were in vain; his small body was no match for Cornelia's bigger and stronger one. He felt himself being dropped on the floor and looked around excitedly, hoping that this would finally be his chance to escape his sadistic family. To his disappointment he noticed that the only exit was being blocked by Cornelia who was giving Lelouch a funny look.

"What happened to your hair Lelouch?" she asked, raising her eyebrows "Did you sit in a humidifier?"

Lelouch scowled slightly "No, Clovis decided to practice on me."

The purple haired teen nodded sympathetically and patted his head "You poor soul" she said. Lelouch nodded sadly, the first rays of hope shining through his world; his sister was being sympathetic; maybe she didn't have anything bad in mind for him!

This bubble quickly burst however when Cornelia started smirking, a look that Lelouch knew all too well, a look that meant something bad was going to happen to him. He couldn't _believe_ that he let himself be fooled by his sister's momentary kindness!

Backing up toward the wall, the boy tried to carefully edge his way toward the door without being noticed. The purple-haired teen _did_ notice and she was not about to let her little brother go that easily. Quickly, and with almost practiced ease, she sprang forward and grabbed the boy.

Grinning evilly, Cornelia reached over into the shadows and pulled out an item that was almost more horrible than the perm-in-a-box that Clovis had present—a purple dress.

"Now just hold still Lelouch, it won't bite, I promise" Cornelia said, the sweet voice she used not matching the look of pure evil on her face.

"AIIIIEEE!"

~Fifteen minutes, four bites, six scratches, and one sundress later~

Lelouch found himself staring at his reflection in the full length mirror adorning the left wall of the room he was in. He had a huge mass of curls with a little bow decorating the top of his head and a cute purple sundress printed with daisies covering his body. He pinched his cheek, hoping that the pain would waken him from this nightmare. It did not, it only hurt.

Backing away from the mirror, Lelouch turned around, calmly walked over and opened the door…and ran outside screaming, "You're all insane!"

The five year old didn't stop running once he got outside, in fact, he didn't stop running until he ran headlong into a tree. This seemed to have a calming effect on the traumatized young boy, making me wonder whether we should do that to hysteria patients instead of slapping them we could throw them into a tree. But I digress. Anyway, after Lelouch's encounter with the tree he got up and calmly dusted himself off.

"Lelouch! Lelouch!" a voice that did not sound like family called. The dark haired boy turned to see his friend Suzaku waving at him. Walking closer to his friend, he noticed that Suzaku seemed to have frozen. His mouth hung open, his eyes were wide, and his body was immobile. Lelouch waved his hand in front of his friend, trying to pull him out of whatever trance he happened to be in.

Suzaku brought the world back into focus and closed his mouth only to open in three seconds later to ask "What happened to you?"

Lelouch sighed "Clovis decided to practice giving me a perm and Cornelia apparently wanted me to try on one of her new outfits."

Suzaku winced, counting his lucky stars that his family wasn't that crazy. Sure, his may have had him put on a dress once or twice, but it wasn't actually that bad! Though Suzaku would never admit it, wearing the dress made him feel kind of pretty.

Banishing those thoughts to the back of his mind Suzaku looked back at Lelouch and then over Lelouch's shoulder when something caught his eye.

Lelouch could not see what his friend saw, but he did see that Suzaku burst out laughing and doubled up with laughter, clutching his stomach, and laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks.

"What's so funny?" he asked, confused. Suzaku didn't stop laughing, simply grabbing his friend by the shoulders and turning him around.

Maybe three yards away was a middle-aged woman wearing too much makeup and too tight pants who was walking her dog. The dog happened to be a black French poodle wearing a small purple sundress decorated with little daisies. Sound familiar?

"Come now Lulu" the woman said in a sickly sweet voice, tugging on the dogs lease, pulling past Suzaku and Lelouch. At this point Suzaku was rolling on the ground laughing.

Pulling himself up he managed to swing an arm around his friend who bore a striking resemblance to that poodle and said in his best imitation of the woman's voice, "Come now _Lulu_, let's go to my house."

The newly christened Lulu just whimpered and let himself get pulled along to Suzaku's house, he was _never_ going to live this down.


End file.
